53. Indulged

So I had my indulgence last night. I'm not sure that I deserve it due to the diet disaster that was last weekend, but I did anyways. I had pancakes from IHOP. I hadn't really been intending on having pancakes, but they were on the list of potential things to have, and when the situation arose they were ideal.

They definitely didn't taste as good as I'd hoped. I was expecting a rich, buttery, pile of fluffy goodness and I didn't really get it. The butter wasn't indulgently salty and rich it was just greasy. I ordered the buttermilk pancakes and the waitress asked if I wanted 3 or 5 and in my head I knew I should only get 3 but figured since it was an indulgence I might as well go all out and get the 5. I only ended up eating two of them and three cups of coffee with fake milk creamer and then I was totally full. Totally completely stuffed. My stomach was a little upset, I'm not sure from what but it wasn't that big of a deal. Man I was really expecting better.

Oh and I had half of piece of bacon dipped in Nutella. That one little bit of greasy, salty, sweet disgustingness might have been more fulfilling than the entire stack of pancakes.

The one good thing that came out of this and the past few days has been that I think that I've demonstrated to myself that for the most part I'm not an emotional eater anymore or am on the road to not being an emotional eater . I'm more of a didn't manage to pack lunch, buy groceries, or some other aspect of bad planning that leads to eating out all the time type of eater. I haven't managed to pack myself a good lunch the past few days and have been ravenous the past few afternoons. If I wasn't doing this I would totally have grabbed a candy bar from the vending machine or stopped to get something to eat on the way home. But I just stuck it out and tried to find the biggest apple in the fridge to eat for dinner when I got home. So there you go, bad planning leads to poor eating.

Also, prior to going to IHOP my two friends and I had spent about an hour standing out in the rain visiting our collective best friend Ali's grave. She died relatively recently and none of us are anywhere near being over it. The evening easily could have devolved into a giant chocolate fueled pity party, but it didn't. We did go to IHOP and we did all eat things we don't normally eat - me non-pcp pancakes, my vegan friend pancakes and eggs, my other friend who doesn't eat sugar nutella crepes, and we all had a piece of nutella dipped bacon, but we all stopped before we gorged ourselves to the point of sickness (although my friend who doesn't eat sugar had a total, hilarious sugar high). I stopped after two pancakes. I didn't even feel the need to shovel the rest of the pancakes down to try to fill the ache. The ache was there, but I really knew that all those pancakes wouldn't help.