Tuesday, August 10, 2010

41. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

If you don't want to read a lot of angry bitching you might as well skip this post.

I am so f-ing angry and resentful right now it's not even funny. I'm sick of devoting my life to cooking and cleaning up after cooking and then eating and cooking some more and more cleaning with some really hard exercise thrown in. And this is supposed to be in a somewhat modified form a lifestyle? Yeah right only if I want to devote the majority of my waking hours to eating and exercising. I'm sick of thinking about food. I'm sick of doing dishes. I'm sick of carting stinky laundry out of the house to wash it. I'm just tired. I feel like I've lost my life. I feel good, I'm strong, and I've lost 17 pounds, but how in god's name am I supposed to continue on down this path and have any semblance of a normal life again? I'm tired of craving something sweet and then spending ages telling myself that I don't need it or want it. It's so easy to say yes, so hard to say no.

I'm doing this to get fit for the firefighting physical agility test, but there's no way I'll score high enough to actually get a job. My knee is fucked, I'm still grossly out of shape, and the underparts of my arms still wiggle. Kill me now.

7 comments:

  1. Bwahahahaha! Love it! Let it out, Haley. I'm only laughing because I totally went through this phase...I might have thrown a dish or two even. To make life easier, I've been cooking enough protein (say a pound and a half of shrimp with garlic, maybe a small bit of soy sauce, and some spices) and doing stir fries for dinner, could also work for lunch. I like it b/c you can get a BUNCH of random veggies, toss them in dash of olive oil and soy sauce, steam them and bam add shrimps. Pretty simple clean-up, lasts all week, though I usually do my veggies fresh every night. Also, I've found that oatmeal cooks up quick, tastes great with some cinnamon and blueberries, and is a heavy carb. I'll take a big salad for lunch and have the oats for desert.

    Whatever you do, just stick with it!! You ARE capable of passing that physical agility test, but you HAVE to work to get to it, if you really, really want it.

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  2. Awesomesauce. That's called blogging it out!

    DOWN IN THE VALLLLLEY, VALLEY SO LOOOOOOOOW!

    Badass.

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  3. That is some VALLEY right there! I know how you feel, I was there too.

    What Jenny said: stick with it. Hang in there. 17 pounds lost is AMAZING. You're not going to believe how much better you'll feel in a couple of weeks.

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  4. You are one with your anger, girl. Try using it as fodder for your next workout!!

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  5. Haley, yes, we were all there too!!! Somehow things get more efficient. I have many posts about how all i felt I was doing was cooking and washing dishes, working out and sleeping. you will find the balance (it will actually happen naturally, so don't go too nuts trying to find it), but you have to swing into this direction first before getting to that middle ground.

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  6. BANG! dead yet? thought so. :P

    ROOOOOOOOWWWWWRRRRR! Unleash the beast of the valley. i think you have more in ya so let it out. Feel it, observe it, and move on. channel the anger into your next workout like sarah said.

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  7. Work thru it Haley! We're almost half way thru, and getting stronger! Yer progress is awesome, keep it up!

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